The Top 10 Hottest Females Of All Epochs

This list took me a long damn time to compile. I researched, looked through many, many photos, and came to several conclusions. The first thing I shall conclude is that making lists can sometimes be difficult, so comment all you want, but you readers are just a bunch of lazy good-for-nothings who cast down your worthless criticisms from the peanut gallery, Tom. Second, this is my show, so I’ll list what I damn well please. And finally, your opinions don’t really matter, because I’m the smart one and I’m simply more cultured than you are. On with my list…

10. Jessica Biel - She’s hot, you’re ugly.


9. Gene Tierney - Most famous for her role as Laura Hunt in the 1944 film “Laura,” which is a film noir masterpiece, Gene Tierney was a troubled actress who also happened to be one of the top 10 hottest females of all epochs, as I once put it right now.


8. Angelina Jolie - Billy Bob Thornton must be spinning in his grave right now. What a moron.


7. Stacey Dash - Yes, she’s the actress from Clueless; so what? I can’t believe Murray hit that! Lucky bastard…


6. Cindy Crawford - I was in lover with her when I was about 4. She was a dime back in the day- if you disagree you are a stupid, stupid man.


5. Halle Berry - The first time I saw Boomerang I really thought Robin Givins was the really sexy one- and she is. But in the time since I have grown into quite the young man and I have realized the err of my ways. When Halle Berry’s jubilees were exposed in Swordfish, which was a terrible movie, I was happy for a moment.


4. Jessica Alba - I’ve never seen anything she’s done except Sin City, but I love her.


3. Aishwarya Rai - A Bollywood starlet, Rai is an incredibly sexy little vixen who I would love to be arranged to marry, if someone can get that in the works for me.


2. Sophia Loren - So fly when she was young; I should have went on that date with her back in ’62 when I had the chance.


1. Adriana Lima - Ok, in all fairness I didn’t even know who this was until today. But I would renounce my love for Jessica Alba and stand up Loren all over again for a shot at this broad. Haysu Kristo!