Boycott Text Messages!!!

Text Messaging must be stopped. The human race is becoming more individually isolated with each passing technology upgrade. Why must we be subjected to forced conversations carried out through texts? And why is it that the serial texters always seem to be female? If you have something to say, honey, then pick up the fucking phone and call me. From this day forward I hereby boycott text messaging, and I encourage all of you, my loyal fans, to do the same.

One more thing: Did you know that text messaging can give you cancer? “Cancer?” you say. Yes, cancer! It was recently reported in the American Medical Association’s quarterly journal that text messages emit a peculiar type of radiation that normal cell phone calls do not. When you hit the button to read the text, these dangerous radioactive waves can actually transmit from the phone into your body, causing a wide array of painful symptoms all leading up to cancer; yes, cancer. So chew on that before your next textcapade…